If Dogs Could Talk . . .

Try to understand this:

You see, my FUR keeps me warm.

Your sweaters only serve to insult me.

 

If the choice is between prison and playing dress up with you,

I choose prison.

 

Though I have provided all the evidence in the world,

perhaps I should take this time to state a certain fact explicitly:

I am a DOG.

I am NOT a CHILD.

 

If you wanted a bunny,

why didn't you just buy one?

 

Please remind me why I'm supposed to love you.

 

I give you everything I have to give and you still wish I were a Dalmatian.

 

I wish your husband had taken me with him when he left.

 

If I had hands I'd strangle you.

 

I suppose it could have been worse.

You could've put me in a hair net so I'd look exactly like you do in the mornings.

Oh... wait... you did.

 

What is wrong with you.

Seriously.

Did you not get enough love as a child?

 Is your world so completely devoid of meaning

that you think dressing me as a flower is a form of care taking?

I hope the house gets burgled tonight.

And when it does, you know what?

I'm not even going to bark,

because FLOWERS can't bark!

 

Oy vey.

If only Moses would have left in that 11th Commandment:

"Thou shall not desecrate one's pet."

 

I wonder how many of these I have to slip into her water

 to end the torment.

 

Very cute.

You come up with that yourself?

Look, I'm barely a dog.

I have enough identity issues without you dressing me up

 as a cheetah.

And in case you haven't noticed, I'm not Tarzan.

 

You are doing your best to ruin what self-esteem I have left.

 

And I thought the bunny suit was bad . . .

What am I now?

A Dogglebee?

A Dogfly?

Please stop.

Please.

I beg you.

* * *

Pug hugs :)
Lauren