Thursday, January 12, 2012

If Dogs Could Talk . . .

Try to understand this:
You see, my FUR keeps me warm.
Your sweaters only serve to insult me.

If the choice is between prison and playing dress up with you,
I choose prison.

Though I have provided all the evidence in the world,
perhaps I should take this time to state a certain fact explicitly:
I am a DOG.

If you wanted a bunny,
why didn't you just buy one?

Please remind me why I'm supposed to love you.

I give you everything I have to give and you still wish I were a Dalmatian.

I wish your husband had taken me with him when he left.

If I had hands I'd strangle you.

I suppose it could have been worse.
You could've put me in a hair net so I'd look exactly like you do in the mornings.
Oh... wait... you did.

What is wrong with you.
Did you not get enough love as a child?
 Is your world so completely devoid of meaning
that you think dressing me as a flower is a form of care taking?
I hope the house gets burgled tonight.
And when it does, you know what?
I'm not even going to bark,
because FLOWERS can't bark!

Oy vey.
If only Moses would have left in that 11th Commandment:
"Thou shall not desecrate one's pet."

I wonder how many of these I have to slip into her water
 to end the torment.

Very cute.
You come up with that yourself?

Look, I'm barely a dog.
I have enough identity issues without you dressing me up
 as a cheetah.
And in case you haven't noticed, I'm not Tarzan.

You are doing your best to ruin what self-esteem I have left.

And I thought the bunny suit was bad . . .
What am I now?
A Dogglebee?
A Dogfly?
Please stop.
I beg you.

* * *
Pug hugs :)


Dog Trot Farm said...

Oh my word how cute! I have to tell you, while on the computer last night, I had the television on in the background, (very bad habit) there before me was a show on cloning one's dear departed dog (reality tv) $50.000, and there was a waiting list! I admit Winslow Homer has worn a few Halloween costumes, a pair of antlers, winter coats and rain boots. Thanks for the laugh, Julie.

flags said...

Laughed so hard, I cried!

Janice said...

This post was so much fun!

Orange Sink said...

Too funny Lauren and so true!
Although our Max has a pair of red pajamas that he's only worn once. I think he gave me the evil eye!!

Susan At Glen Oaks Primitives said...

OMG I can't stop laughing!
The Oy Vey was hilarious. They
are ALL hilarious! Did you make
all of those 'comments' up yourself?
Unbelievably hysterical!
Thank you so much, Lauren.

Beckyjean said...

Still giggling!! Thanks for the laugh!!


cynthia lee designs said...

Cute Post and so true!! I'm sure if dogs could talk...that is exactly what they would say. I'm still laughing.


woollylottrugs said...

Oh my gosh Lauren, your post is so funny. Hilarious!!!! Love them all.


Julia said...

I'm on the dogs' side. There ought to be a law....
BUT I vote for the dragonfly costume, ha,ha,ha. JB

Kim said...

I love starting my day laughing. The pictures were funny enough, but the commentary.......hilarious!
P.S. I'm not showing it to Millie lol

acorn hollow said...

Pretty funny Lauren. I just saw on a local channel that there is a woman who is making cat clothes. I am thinking she is setting herself up to get a big scratch.

Tammy Burks said...

I always love seeing dogs dressed up! As for my dogs, Lonnie LOVES to get dressed up....mainly his coats and sweaters when it's cold for Cleopatra....not so much....go figure!

Mugwump Woolies said...

Great way to start the day!!! How funny...thanks for the giggles.

Penny said...

So cute and FUNNY!!! I must admit that I have dressed my shih-tzu up a time or two. She has pearls for special occasions, and a Christmas dress. Other than that she does have a fine selection of doggie coats/sweaters.... but I think she likes them (unlike her Christmas dress!)!! We keep her cut short, so she NEEDS a little something when we go outside!! LOL

Joni of Fully Wooly Primitives said...

Oh my - those poor dogs. They looked so embarassed. I think the only thing Roby ever wore was a handkerchief around his neck when he ate yogurt, if not his fur (Sheltie) would get all sticky and yucky. I must admit I had a laugh but not something I would subject my dog to. I loved the captions - so true! thanks for sharing.

prims by olde lady morgan said...

Such a HOOT! thanks for sharing!!! OLM

The Wool Cupboard said...

Waaaaay cute, Lauren! Love the "weiner dog" costume :0)

Larkrise garden girl said...

LOl ,That was so funny! Thanks for the chuckles,Cheri

The Barn Door said...

Too funny!!

Sassafras and Winterberry said...

Excellent!! Gus has never worn a costume...and he loves me for it! LOL

jody said...

lauren thanx so much for stopping by my blog! these poor animals..but too cute! its nice they humor us, everytime i get my persians hair cut (lion cut twice a year) i am sure to tell anyone who comes in not to laugh at them cuz itll hurt their feelings...! when their hair starts to grow out it looks like theyre wearing long underware. like i said its a good thing they humor us!

Anonymous said...

ROFL peeing my pants!!!
That's exactly like Mr. Bill feels!
Kae on the other hand--bring it on!!!

Tamera at The Stone Fence Cottage

White Sheep Farm said...

Okay it is 5 a.m. I'm laughing so hard ... hubby is yelling down( from the bedroom where he is trying to sleep) what is so funny at 5 a.m.?
Oh my ... how true! Poor dogs ... and we claim to love them right?
Have a great week!

TheCrankyCrow said...

This post should have come with a warning Lauren - now that I've snorted coffee all over my monitor. ;o) Love it - the costumes are hysterical - but the commentary did me in. Thanks for the snorts! Smiles & Hugs ~ Robin

woolwoman said...

those poor dogs all look humiliated in their silly outfits. When I was showing my dogs - we used to put these boot/sock type things on their feet if it was raining and we were trying to keep them dry - it usually just made them freak out and they got wet anyway LOL. yes January is 1/2 over already - can you believe it ! Mel PS thanks for your kind comments about my Merrie on Kris Millers blog.