Thursday, December 22, 2011

Oh Christmas Tree !

My main Christmas tree, whether real or artificial, has alway been at least seven feet tall.  It has been many years since I've had a live tree, but I had this wonderful artificial one that I just loved.  The branches were spaced unevenly, it had grapevine and pinecones attached and it would hold heavy ornaments.  Sadly, for the last few years it has been losing more needles than a real tree.  This year I decided I just couldn't haul it down from the attic.  I brought another tree down from the attic I haven't used in years.  At my previous house, it was the family room tree.  Oh my goodness!  It is so much smaller than what I am used to.  I even had my DSO put it on a milk crate, and it still looked too small.  I was undecided as to what I should do.  Since I had not found a tree I wanted to buy, Jake helped me decorate this one.  It has sort of grown on me and Jake had a ball decorating it and thinks it is just beautiful. 

My Mom gave me this angel many years ago.  She said it was the angel from my Grandma's Nativity set.

I still cherish the ornaments made by my boys.

Plastic drapery ring and brown craft paper ornament made by my dear niece Elise almost 40 years ago.  (She must be getting old!)

Needlepoint ornie made by my sister (also many years ago!).

I got this in first grade.  This angel broke off many years ago.

My one true antique Christmas ornament.  I was told it is probably 1880's.

Old Santa light bulb.

Of course there's at least one pug.

One of a set of six pysanka eggs my niece brought me back from Czechoslovakia, I believe.

And a little humor to end the day.

Dear Friends,

This time of year worries me. Not for the crass commercialism and forced frivolity, but because it's the Season when the food police (remember them?) come out in full force with their fingers wagging and their annual tips on how to get through the Holidays without gaining a few pounds or inches.

You can't pick up a magazine or news paper without finding a list of Holiday eating do's and don'ts. Eliminate second helpings, high-calorie sauces and cookies made with butter they say, and filling up on vegetable sticks is encouraged. Good grief! Is your favorite childhood memory of Christmas a carrot stick? I don't think so! Mine isn't either.

A carrot was something you left for Rudolph. So, here are a few of my own tips for Holiday eating. Rest assured, by following this sage advice you'll rekindle fond childhood memories (unless your parents were vegan) and quite possibly enjoy yourself a bit.

So what if your drawers are a little snug by New Year's Day, that's what resolutions are for!

1) About those carrot sticks. Avoid them! Anyone who puts carrots on a Holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. If you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, or down the street where they're probably serving rum balls.

2) Drink as much eggnog as you can and do it quickly! Like a fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer. You can't find it any other time of the year. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not like you're going to turn into an eggnog-aholic or something. It's a treat, so enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you drink up!

3) If something comes with gravy, for god’s sake use it! That's the whole point of gravy. Go ahead and pour it on! Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Pretend it's erupting and watch the villagers flee! Save the villagers, then repeat.

4) As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk with sour cream and butter. If it's the former, pass it up. Why bother? That'd be like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5) Do not have a healthy snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello? Remember college?

6) Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do but take long naps. You'll need all your energy circling the buffet table while carrying several plates of food and that vat of eggnog.

7) If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. Like a fine pair of shoes or a great buy at Home Depot. You can't leave them behind at any cost, because you won't be seeing them again any time soon.

8) Same of pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat? Have a slice of each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat? Have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9) Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards, mate.

10) And one last thought: If you're not stuffed when you leave the party or have a problem getting up from the table, you haven't been paying attention here. This wasn't written for your amusement.

Thank you so much for stopping by!  I hope a few of you have made it to the end.

Pug hugs :)


  1. Lauren! Merry Christmas! and thank you so much for reminding me to eat my way through Christmas! OLM

  2. Best advice I have read in a long time! Love It!

  3. Great Advice for sure!

    Love the trees and all the homemade memory ornaments!

  4. Hi Lauren,

    I do love your tree. Its beautiful. All of the ornaments are lovely. Neat memories.

    Have a wonderfully Merry Christmas.

    Take care, Janet W

  5. Finally! A holiday to-do list I can accomplish. I was starting to feel like a failure, but this list, this is a list I can handle! Hope you have a Merry Christmas and I will see you for our blinged out hooking before the New Year. Dress festive.

  6. Your tree is beautiful! I like the message to eat, eat, eat too! Because seriously... Christmas has some foods that we don't eat any other time of the year... so enjoy them!

  7. I love your tree Jake is right it looks great. I do believe I have followed those rules for years. the reason I am the size I am.
    I read your church ladies to David last night he was laughing so much thanks for the smiles.
    Have a wonderful Christmas

  8. I love the advice. I really need to bake tomorrow. I want to make my Finnish Pulla and feast! Your tree is lovely. I totally changed up the tree this year. Went all prim and simple. I'll have to post some ornaments tonight. I loved seeing your ornaments. That little bird feeder is wonderful! It's so much fun to remember the big boys when they were little.
    Hugs! Have a great Christmas!

  9. the only way to eat carrots sticks at Christmas is covered in dip!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!LOL!!! Denise

  10. Merry Christmas Lauren, I loved the ornaments what wonderful memories.HUgs Cheri

  11. What a lovely tree! And I love all your memory-provoking ornaments. I got a laugh out of your holiday eating advice, and I totally agree with all of it. Bring on the pie!

  12. Oh but that was a great post with lots of sage advice. Ceertainly kept a grin on my face the whole time I was reading.


  13. Dear Lauren,
    I love your tree. I was just telling someone else that I liked her
    'skinny' tree. I will get one next year.
    The advice was so funny. Thanks for the chuckle.
    Merry Christmas,

  14. Well I was listening and I think I have already gained my share and a few others share too!!

    Isn't it fun to take out the old sentimental things each Christmas?? My kids took many of theirsd with them when they moved out but I have just enough left to make my eyes leak when I opned the tub of Christmas tree ornaments each year. next year I am letting Lili put them on a tree in the playroom!

    Your tree is just perfect ~ especially since Jake helped!!

    Wishing you and your entire family a magical and blessed Christmas!! hugs from across the miles!!

  15. I agree with Jake - your tree is lovely. And thanks for the holiday advice. Lol
    Merry Christmas dear friend.

  16. Lauren...that tree is lovely!!! I especially love those homemade ornaments!!
    Wishing you a very Merry Christmas

  17. Merry Christmas Lauren...your tree is wonderful - and what precious ornaments made by your sons.
    And you one needs to tell me to eat, eat, eat! lol


  18. Lauren, your tree is lovely. My oldest son who has a home of his own, came through the door the other evening asking "mom do you have any Christmas ornaments I can have, not the ones you guard with your life, you know the ones my brother and I made, which is the first thing you would grab if the house was burning down." Yup he gets it! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

  19. What a great job Jake did with the tree. All the important elements are there for a good dose of cherished memories.

    Lauren, I love the way you think. Life is too darn short to go to parties and restrain from eating this or that unless you have an allergy to it. Great advice. Girl you sure know how to Celebrate. That's why they invented the elastic band , so there room to stretch.

    Have the Merriest Christmas ever. Big hugs to you and Jake.

  20. You wrote one of the funniest Christmas lists I think I have ever read! Really made me laugh. Thank you and Merry Christmas. Have to run to have another piece of fudge!

  21. Merry Christmas Lauren!!

    Love your holiday eating guide~you're my kind of gal!!

    Enjoy the season~Becky

  22. Your tree is gorgeous, Lauren...and all those sweet memory ornaments! I love that little birdfeeder made out of the pill bottle...too cute. And, hey! I had a little plastic nativity scene like that! Love the holiday festivity guide.....but, I beg to differ....I actually like a good piece of fruitcake too! ;o) Hope everything was merry and bright....Smiles & Hugs ~ Robin


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