Thursday, February 16, 2017

Need a Laugh?



Where to retire......
Places to live!!!

Listing some positives & negatives to help in your decision.

You can retire to Phoenix, Arizona where . . .
1. You are willing to park three blocks away from your house because you found shade.
2. You've experienced condensation on your rear-end from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for four hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door at 500 degrees.
6. The four seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??


OR
You can retire to California where . . .
1. You make over $450,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
5. The four seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud and Drought.


OR
You can retire to New York City where . . .
1 You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
3. You think Central Park is "nature."
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multilingual.
5. You've worn out a car horn. (IF you have a car.)
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression


OR
You can retire to Minnesota where. . .
1. You only have three spices: salt, pepper and ketchup.
2. Halloween costumes have to fit over parkas.
3. You have seventeen recipes for casserole.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road repair.
6. The highest level of criticism is "He is different," "She is different," or "It was different!"

 
OR
You can retire to The Deep South where . . .
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2 "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3. "He needed killin" is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has two first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Joe Bob, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.
5. Everything is either: "in yonder," "over yonder" or "out yonder.”
6. You can say anything about anyone, as long as you say "Bless his heart” at the end!


 OR
You can move to Colorado where . . .
1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home, so he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.


OR
You can retire to Nebraska or Kansas where . . . 
1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is three cars waiting to pass a tractor
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition; "Where's my coat at?"


OR
FINALLY you can retire to Florida where . . .
1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind - even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent cardiologist, dermatologist, proctologist, podiatrist, or orthopedist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.


I think I laughed the hardest at Colorado, #2  :)

I've started on my "scrap rug".  So far, I think things are lined up pretty well.  I suppose when I start on the background I will know for sure.


Stay tuned.  I will be having a small give-away soon.

Thanks so much for stopping by.
Pug hugs :)
Lauren

16 comments:

  1. Cute little run down. you are a hooking machine!
    Love the colors
    Cathy

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  2. Visiting with you via Francine's blog. Nice to meet you and I love the rug.
    I live in Georgia, so that was really funny about the South! lol
    Have a nice weekend.

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  3. OK I am a little dense. Please explain Colorado #2 to me.

    Lovin the rug so far.

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  4. I needed a good laugh this morning to start my day !!!
    You are a funny one ;)
    Keep hooking !
    Rose

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  5. You know I always need a laugh dear girl. You are so kind to offer us some good laughs.
    My favorite was the deep south with the Bless his heart at the end. lol.

    Your hooking looks so neat. Great beginning...
    Are you trying to keep up with the hooking tweaking queen who shall remain nameless?
    Hugs,
    Julia

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  6. LOL And I am darn good at eating artichokes! My commute is 40 minutes, not 37 miles, and we are out of the drought and into the mud. Yep, pretty much sums up California. LOL But, we do have beaches and mountains and amazing deserts...a little bit of everything. LOL

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  7. What a hoot! And I love your new rug :)
    Blessings, Patti

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  8. Since my roots are very Southern, I strongly identify with that one! Good laugh on some of the others.

    I love the look of your 'scrap' rug. Being fairly new to hookin', my pile of worms is starting to grow. Won't be long before I can start a real 'scrap' one. I'm thinking cat's paw!

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  9. Good ones GT...but there they go picking on Wisconsin again. ;o) Lovin' the colors in your worm buster project...so perfectly muted.... Yup...you really are a hooking machine. Happy weekend! Smiles & Hugs ~ Robin

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  10. FIRST........ That dry heat is nothing compared to hot and humid weather of the eastern shore. I lived in California for 3 years, when we came home to visit in July and walked out of BWI airport it was like being wrapped in a steaming hot towel. No comparison to dry heat and humidity. I'll take dry heat anytime.

    ANYWAY....LOVE your progress on your rug. And damn if it doesn't seem you have achieved much more than me on my new one.

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  11. Great for a laugh for sure! I could relate to a few of those. :D Love your rug progress!

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  12. Did you decide you like Ohio best? I think this list might have Colorado and California mixed, both would fit.
    I love you new rug. Its coming along nicely. I think I like Minnesota.

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  13. Evening Lauren, lol, funny but true I'd say.Blessings Francine.

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Thank you so much for taking the time to read my blog. Your comments are much appreciated :)