Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Productive Day!


Just a little update on my vacation day yesterday.  Well, let me tell you, it was no vacation, but I got lots done!  Woo hoo!  Just what I needed.  I met my DSO for lunch at the local Chinese restaurant (and forgot my take-out box ~ darn!), made a quick stop at Kohl's to return an item and another quick stop at the toy department at WalMart.  Came home empty handed.  I then finished my one hooked rug (can't show it until later in case BFF checks the blog), got it boxed and ready to mail.  Then it was time for my marathon shopping spree.  (Have I ever mentioned I HATE to shop?)  Nine stops in just under three hours, but I suppose the stop at Wendy's shouldn't count!  I pretty much finished my shopping (but had to return to Toys R Us today to switch out a Transformer that someone else had gotten Jake), finished and mailed my cards, and today got all the wrapping done except for a couple of gifts.  The dining room table is "almost" cleaned off.  Tomorrow it's grocery shopping and a small birthday celebration in the evening.  WHEW!  No wonder I'm tired!

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Church Ladies With computers


They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with computers. These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

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The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'

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Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

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Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.

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Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

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Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

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For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

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Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

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A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.

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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

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Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered..

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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

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Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

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Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM . All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is done.

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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door.

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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM . The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

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The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.'

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Thanks so much for stopping by!
Pug hugs :)
Lauren

18 comments:

Kim said...

Lol Those were cute. Tomorrow I'm off too and going into over-drive trying to get things done. It would be nice to be able to relax.

Janet said...

Hi Lauren, How are you doing? My goodness just reading the first part of your post wore me out. lol Whew!

Loved your Church Announcements. This one made me LOL

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

They are all so funny. Have a relaxing evening and a great Thursday. Take care, Janet W

Larkrise garden girl said...

Lauren, So so funny! Thanks for the chuckles.Merry Christmas, Cheri

TheCrankyCrow said...

You are WAY more productive than me Girlfriend....Those dreaded shopping sprees seem to run my batteries down to zilch. And wrapping - argh....I like "pretty" packages - so each has to be unique, with unique - yet coordinating ribbons and ties and tags....I'm beginning to drive even myself nutty. Love the funnies....Going to have to pass these on to a family friend who is a minister - he'll get a kick out of them...in fact, he just might have authored some of them! Smiles & Hugs ~ Robin

My Colonial Home said...

LOL, love these...thanks for the giggles.
Karen

Sandi @ The Primitive Skate said...

Loved the church announcements.
Thanks, I needed a pick me up today.
Merry Christmas!

Cathy G. said...

LOL!! Lauren thanks for sharing these...... a good laugh is so important these days!!
Hope you can relax after that productive day!! I knew you would "get er done!"
Fa la la!!!
Cathy G

The Wool Cupboard said...

You have been a busy lady! Congrats on getting so much done in one day.

LOVED your church bulletin bloopers. My favorite was the Low Self Esteem support group meeting Thurs. at 7:00...use the back door...too funny!! Thanks for the good laugh.

Joanne said...

Whewww is right - I'm tired after reading your post - Way to go!

I got that email with the church ladies - some of those really cracked me up!

Janice said...

Ha! I love the church bulletins! And, my goodness... you have been busy!

Susan At Glen Oaks Primitives said...

OMG! Thank you Lauren. I can't stop laughing and grinning (I'm trying to not wake up DH). The "Up Yours" got me the most, what a riot!
Merry Christmas

acorn hollow said...

So glad your marathon day went so well. The church ladies are a scream. Just what I needed this morning.
Have a wonderful Christmas
Cathy

moosecraft said...

Have to watch out for those Church Ladies! lol! You certainly did squeeze a lot into that one vacation day! I hope you are all settled and ready to relax when the big day arrives! Merry Christmas!

Sassafras and Winterberry said...

What a good laugh!! I needed that. Glad you were able to finish up. I can't wait to see a pic of the rug you sent off. Hope you have a day or two to catch your breath and enjoy the holiday weekend!
Merry Christmas!
Courtney

jennifer768 said...

Thanks for the laughs!Merry Christmas!Hugs,Jen

Anonymous said...

Merry Christmas Lauren. YOu always make me smile.

Julia said...

I love the funny bits. Thanks for the chuckles... My favorite is The Low Self esteem group will meet.... Please use the back door. LOl... Merry Christmas, JB

weaverpat said...

I love the church announcements! That was my laugh for today.

Have a wonderful weekend and a lovely Christmas celebration with your family. That cute little red-head will keep your holidays exciting. I bet he can hardly wait!